Our Savior Lutheran Church

Last week we looked at some of the dysfunctional aspects of people in Joseph’s family tree – deceit, scheming, and favoritism. This week we will see how favoritism on the part of his father Jacob soured Joseph’s relationship with his older brothers

To Get Us Started

Kids have lots of favorites – favorite toys, favorite friends, favorite vacations, favorite ice cream flavors. They also want to be favored. They want to be like best by grandparents and teachers, picked first for teams, and chosen to be first in line – any line. It feels good to be a favorite.

1. When you were growing up, which of these was your favorite possession? Why?

a. A baseball mitt.

b. A book.

c. A bicycle.

d. A puppy.

e. A computer game.

f. A horse.

g. Other _____________________

2. When you were a child, who was your favorite adult (parent, relative, teacher, neighbor, pastor)? Why?

3. When you were a child, what adult did you want to regard you as a favorite (parent, relative, teacher, neighbor, pastor, etc.)? Were you that person’s favorite? How did that make you feel?

The Word

In some ways Joseph is the dominating character in Genesis. The Joseph stories occupy the final 14 chapters. By comparison, 13 chapters narrate Abraham’s life of faith. Parts of five chapters tell about Isaac. Jacob dominates nine chapters.

Joseph emerges suddenly as the teen-aged brother of ten older men. The family dysfunctions discussed in the first lesson quickly come into play

Like Jesus, Joseph was betrayed and sold by those close to him and became a suffering savior. Surprisingly, the New Testament makes scanty reference to Joseph (Acts 7:9-14; Hebrews 11:21-22).

Genesis 37:1-11

Jacob lived in the land where his father had stayed, the land of Canaan.

[2] This is the account of Jacob.

Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.

[3] Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. [4] When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

[5] Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. [6] He said to them, "Listen to this dream I had: [7] We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it."

[8] His brothers said to him, "Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?" And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

[9] Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. "Listen," he said, "I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me."

[10] When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, "What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?" [11] His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

Observations

One of the strange dynamics in family life is that when children grow up they often repeat the mistakes of the parents. Dysfunctional families tend to result in dysfunctional families – often for generations. It’s difficult to unravel all the factors involved in making a particular family dysfunctional in its unique way, but Genesis 37:1-11 provides some valuable lessons. We have the advantage of interpreting these isolated experiences in the light of the total story of Joseph’s life.

Observation 1

As parents (and grandparents), we must be on guard against showing favoritism.

The principle applies particularly to our children who are younger. In our culture we usually have more to share with our younger children materially then when we were just starting out. Your older children have good memories. It takes a great deal of wisdom not to, on the one hand, penalize the younger child just because he happens to be the youngest and, at the same time, maintain equity with the older children.

Furthermore, we naturally tend to show favoritism to the children who are the most cooperative and appreciative. Once again, this is a difficult tightrope to walk, since it is not wrong to reward good behavior. But to do so without showing favoritism is a constant challenge.

Your youngest child’s positive behavior may reflect the fact that you’ve learned more about being a good parent. Unfortunately, older children often reflect our own mistakes more vividly in their behavior.

Observation 2

All of us have factors, both within us and within our environments, that tend to cloud our thinking and blur our judgments.

Some of these problems are self-induced. They are purely our fault. Conversely, some of the factors relate to the mistakes of others. This was certainly true in Jacob’s life as well as Joseph’s. This is why we must always maintain an attitude of openness and teachability.

We’re particularly vulnerable to making unwise decisions when we’re young. No matter how much we think we know, there is much that we don’t know. This lack of wisdom and experience will inevitably lead us to make naïve judgments. This is why we need to listen to those who are older and more mature than we are even though we can all cite instances when older people have made serious judgment errors as well. Such judgment errors abound in the life of Joseph’s father, Jacob.

Growing older doesn’t guarantee maturity, but it’s an important factor in God’s scheme of things. This is why Scripture uses the term elders to describe the spiritual leaders in Israel and in the church. This word refers to “older men” who are wise and discerning. However, age per se is not the only basis for selecting men who serve in these leadership roles. Paul included a lengthy list of qualifications that should accompany age – qualifications that reflect spiritual and psychological maturity (see 1 Timothy 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9). To attain those character traits, we must learn to overcome those factors which might other wise cloud our judgments. We must let God free us from genetic and environmental habits that oppose God’s way and God’s will. God is able to set us free indeed when we sincerely ask Him to.

Observation 3

All of us, no matter what our age, tend to make naïve judgments when we become anxious and insecure.

This is especially true when we sense rejection. We often step up our efforts to prove “we’re OK.” In the process, we often experience more rejection, especially if our behavior is threatening to others in the first place.

Many people who threaten others with their personalities, their success patterns, and their capabilities do not understand what is happening. They do not purposely set out to threaten or overshadow others. They do not think of themselves as being more skilled or more capable. This is also a naïve perspective probably evidenced to a great extent in Joseph’s life.

To Discuss

4. When have you been caught in a nasty relational mess involving family members (or friends or co-workers) as Joseph was?

5. Joseph unwittingly or not made his situation worse by telling his family about his dreams. How did your relational web get messier when you tried to fix it?

6. What events made Joseph’s brothers angry with him?

7. How did the anger of Joseph’s brothers grow with each incident?

8. To what extent do you think Joseph contributed to his brother’s irritation, and to what extent was he a victim of circumstances? Was he in any way a victim of God’s plans?

9. To what extent do you think Jacob (also called Israel) contributed to the impending relational train wreck between Joseph and his brothers?

10. What things do you need to stay aware of in your family relationships so you don’t show favoritism?

11. What aspect of family relationships illustrated by this story do you want to work on?

a. Showing favoritism.

b. Communication that might seem like tattling.

c. Making things worse by trying to take control.

d. Letting anxiety and insecurity cloud my judgment.

e. Other _____________________

12. What kinds of things can actually be divisive in our families as Joseph’s richly ornamented robe was in his family? How can we give significant gifts without creating resentment?

13. How do you think Jacob should have helped his 17-year-old son talk (or not talk) about his dreams? How can we help our children talk about major accomplishments?

Men face unique opportunities to make every family member feel special, combined with unique challenges not to show favoritism. Support your group members in their efforts to be cheerleaders and supporters for each person in their families.

14. Thank God for the special qualities of each of your family members that should make each of them your “favorite.”

15. Pray for one another concerning any family or other relationship needs that surfaced during this discussion.

16. Pray for wisdom for one another to perceive family relationships clearly and make good decisions concerning them.

Next Week

This week we looked at the disastrous results of Jacob’s parental favoritism on Joseph’s relations with his older brothers. In the week ahead, be mindful to guard against favoritism, beware of factors that cloud your judgment, and avoid making decisions driven by anxiety or insecurity. Next week we will see the tragic fallout from Jacob’s favoritism as Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery.