Our Savior Lutheran Church

Last Week

Last week we considered how the favoritism Jacob showed Joseph produced resentment and jealousy in the hearts of his older brothers. This week we will look at the bitter fruit of the older brothers’ hatred. They plotted to kill Joseph, but instead sold him into slavery.

To Get Us Started

Feelings are hard things to understand. Lots of men would say they don’t know their own emotions very well, let alone those of their wives and children. Since the Fall, men tend toward sweat-of-the brow preoccupation with literal and figurative thorns and thistles that pop up to ruin all work. “There’s no time to analyze feelings,” we think. “There’s work to be done!”

1. Which of these animals best depicts your own emotional makeup?

a. A porcupine: Leave me alone. I’m generally prickly.

b. A basset hound: Hold a mirror under my nose. I’m that laid back.

c. A kangaroo: Up and down all the time.

d. Eyore the donkey: I see the dark side of everything.

e. Pooh bear: I haven’t a clue. I’m just looking for honey.

f. A songbird: Happy all the time.

2. Which of these animals best depicts your awareness of the emotions of your family?

a. An ostrich: My head is firmly in the sand. I know nothing!

b. A porpoise: I have a brain and sensors ever on the alert.

c. A turtle: I’m trying, but I’m always a step or two behind.

d. A lion: I’m the king. See your mother.

e. An elephant: I remember everyone’s emotional makeup.

f. A possum: I’m consistently road kill, and I just don’t get it.

The Word

The Joseph stories highlight the roles of three of Jacob’s sons. All three appear by name in Genesis 37:12-36. Reuben, the firstborn, displays good-intentioned weakness. Eventually he will relinquish leadership to his brothers. Judah, the fourth son of Jacob, shows strength and cruelty. Eventually he will be transformed by suffering to replace Reuben as clan leader. Joseph, the bright star of the family, plunges into obscure darkness until it is time for him to blaze as the family savior.

Genesis 37:12-36

Now his brothers had gone to graze their father's flocks near Shechem, [13] and Israel said to Joseph, "As you know, your brothers are grazing the flocks near Shechem. Come, I am going to send you to them."

"Very well," he replied.

[14] So he said to him, "Go and see if all is well with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me." Then he sent him off from the Valley of Hebron.

When Joseph arrived at Shechem, [15] a man found him wandering around in the fields and asked him, "What are you looking for?"

[16] He replied, "I'm looking for my brothers. Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?"

[17] "They have moved on from here," the man answered. "I heard them say, 'Let's go to Dothan.' "

So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. [18] But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.

[19] "Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other. [20] "Come now, let's kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams."

[21] When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. "Let's not take his life," he said. [22] "Don't shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the desert, but don't lay a hand on him." Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father.

[23] So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe--the richly ornamented robe he was wearing-- [24] and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it.

[25] As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.

[26] Judah said to his brothers, "What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? [27] Come, let's sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood." His brothers agreed.

[28] So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.

[29] When Reuben returned to the cistern and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. [30] He went back to his brothers and said, "The boy isn't there! Where can I turn now?"

[31] Then they got Joseph's robe, slaughtered a goat and dipped the robe in the blood. [32] They took the ornamented robe back to their father and said, "We found this. Examine it to see whether it is your son's robe."

[33] He recognized it and said, "It is my son's robe! Some ferocious animal has devoured him. Joseph has surely been torn to pieces."

[34] Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. [35] All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. "No," he said, "in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son." So his father wept for him.

[36] Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard.

Observations

Whether it’s an innate problem because we’re men or something that relates to our culture, one thing is certain. Most men seem to have difficulty understanding feelings. Many men not only have difficulty getting in touch with others’ feelings, but also have difficulty understanding and sharing their own feelings. This is a lethal combination.

Observation 1

It’s important to be in touch with our children’s feelings.

It’s easy to be out of touch with our children’s feelings, even though we may understand them. This was certainly true of Jacob. And it can happen to us! If it happened to Jacob in a primitive and rural culture, how much more to men in our 21^st century “rat-race” culture! Fathers are particularly susceptible.

Many fathers in our Western culture are, of necessity, away from their children many hours a week – in some instances, all week. When we come home from what is often a very grueling and emotionally demanding vocation, we are anything but in the mood to relate to our children – their problems, their needs, their concerns. If our wives also work outside the home, both of us may avoid finding out about our children’s problems so as to escape any emotional involvement. In this kind of environment, parents naturally want to spend time by themselves – not with their children – and the neglect is multiplied.

There is no substitute for quality time spent with our children. And it is difficult to create quality time apart from there being a quantity of time. Remember, quality time means time that relates to their interests and needs, not ours. Furthermore their interests and needs change as they grow older. They vary with individuals, and they certainly vary between the sexes. Being available will not be enough. It doesn’t work to simply say, “OK, I’m available! Talk to me!” We must make ourselves available by planning specific times and specific activities to share with our children.

Observation 2

We must not allow self-obsession to cause us to put our children on a performance standard.

Jacob demonstrated more concern over his own reputation than he did over the fact that his sons had been involved in sinful and evil practices. When Simeon and Levi committed murder, he stated, “You have brought trouble on me, making me odious to the inhabitants of the land” (Genesis 34:30).

How easy it is to fall into this same psychological and egotistical trap! As parents, we can become more concerned about our own image than the real problems facing our children. We can set up performance standards for them to protect our image. When we put our children on a performance standard, it creates resentment. All children want to be accepted and loved for who they are, not for what they do.

There is a balance here, of course. If we maintain that balance early in their lives – loving them unconditionally and reassuring them of our love when we have to discipline them – our children will grow up wanting to honor us rather than make us look bad.

Observation 3

Passive parents can create insecurity and anger in their children.

Jacob might be classified as the proverbial “passive father.” When his sons, Levi and Simeon, murdered the Shechemites (Genesis 34:13-29) and when Reuben committed incest with Bilhah (Genesis 35:22), Jacob did little except harbor it in his heart and then lower the boom on all three sons just before he died (Genesis 49:3-7).

This typifies passive people. Rather than dealing with problems immediately, they carry grudges and later make others pay for their sins. Be careful to avoid this approach with your children. Be actively involved in their lives – now! Give them correction – now! And more than anything, encourage them – now!

Observation 4

We reap what we sow, but self-punishment is not the answer to our problems.

Jacob refused to be comforted because of what had happened to Joseph. More than we probably know, this refusal grew out of some serious mistakes he knew he had made. He was determined to mourn – and punish himself for his mistakes – until he died.

Like Jacob, all of us make mistakes and sin against our children. Unfortunately, some of there errors in judgment create problems that are in some respects irreversible. But it does not help to go through life blaming ourselves. Furthermore, it is not God’s will. There is forgiveness in Christ. If we have sinned against our children, we must sincerely seek their forgiveness. If our motives for confession are to reform them, they’ll sense it. However, if our motive in seeking forgiveness is godly sorrow, they’ll sense that too. Then if they refuse to forgive, we must more forward with our own lives demonstrating Christ’s love in our future relationships.

It’s very sad when parents go through life punishing themselves. It’s equally wrong for children to go through life blaming their parents for their problems. As children become adults and face life, they must recognize that they are responsible for their own actions – no matter what happened to them as children.

To Discuss

1. Put yourself in Joseph’s sandals. How do you react when you find out that everyone around you is opposed to your ideas and plans? How would you react if they were against you personally?

2. Put yourself in Jacob’s sandals. How do you think you would feel if you sent your child on an errand that led to his or her death?

3. What jobs did Jacob assign respectively to his older sons and to Joseph? Why would Joseph wear his special robe for this job?

4. Does the brothers’ plot to murder Joseph sound to you like a heat-of-the-moment idea or like one they had discussed before? Why?

5. What does it say about the brothers that they could calmly eat while Joseph agonized in the pit (see Genesis 42:21)?

6. What do you suppose Reuben was doing while the others sold Joseph?

7. Do you think Judah was sympathetic to Joseph or merely mercenary when he proposed selling him rather than killing him? What makes you think this?

8. Which of these issues do you need to work on most? Why?

a. Ignoring the feelings of my family.

b. Putting my kids on a performance standard.

c. Being passive.

d. Punishing myself for letting them down.

9. What changes would you need to make to spend more quality time with your family members?

10. What does this story suggest about the dangers of letting unresolved family conflicts fester?

11. What might a father do in a blended family to build harmony and reduce animosity between step- or half-siblings?

It seems that Jacob ignored a lot of family problems: character issues and interpersonal conflicts. He probably hoped they would go away with the passage of time. They didn’t. Instead they got worse. We need to be men who accept the challenge of understanding our families and helping them develop personally and inter personally.

12. Give thanks for specific emotional traits of each of your family members.

Next Week

This week we looked at how the jealousy of Joseph’s older brothers prompted them to plot to kill him. Fortunately – in one sense – they sold him into slavery instead. Let this story caution you to deal with family problems instead of passively sitting by. Next week we will look at how Joseph resisted intense sexual temptation that all too many would cave in to.