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| Peacemaker 5- "Go and Be Reconciled" (Ephesians 4:32) |
| Written by Pastor Fausel | |
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Grace, Mercy and Peace to you … One day in a worship service the Pastor, we’ll call him Pastor Williams, was leading the people through the General Confession and Absolution at the beginning of the service. And after the general confession of sin, Pastor Williams said … “As a called and ordained servant of the Word, I announce to you what God says, ‘That’s okay. No problem. Forget it. You should be sorry. Don’t ever do it again. I forgive you, but I don’t want anything to do with you anymore! Go in peace … but don’t come back!” And when the gasp from the congregation had given away to pure shock. Pastor Williams said, “What’s the matter? Isn’t that the way you respond to someone who apologizes to you? Don’t you want God to forgive you that way, as well?” Later in the service, during the sermon … Pastor Williams properly absolved the congregation as he taught about what we’ll be talking about today. So, let’s start with this: Could we say, by the grace of God, we Christians are the most forgiven people in the world? I think we would we safe in making that claim … God forgives us for the sake of Jesus Christ … Christianity is the only religion in the world that understands God’s forgiveness that way. All others see themselves having to earn forgiveness … one way or another. And so … if we are the most forgiven people in the world, shouldn’t we also be the most FORGIVING people in the world? The First Graders in Chapel this week sang a song that referred to Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” The neat thing about God is that He never tells us to do something without also giving us the where-with-all to do it. Because, you see, forgiving as we have been forgiven is impossible by our own strength. So, if you try that on your own, you are going to fail. If you’ve been hurt, and the hurt is a heavy one, the only way to come to peace and be able to forgive is to ask God to help you to do so. Because quite honestly … the last thing you want to do is forgive. Imagine yourself in that situation. And then see how this prayer sounds to you… “God, I cannot forgive him on my own strength. In fact, I do not want to forgive him, at least until he has suffered for what he has done to me. Everything in me wants to hold it against him. To hide behind a wall so he can’t hurt me again. “But God, you sacrificed Your Son to forgive me… So, Lord, first, please help me want to forgive. Please change my heart so I can let go of the hurt and not hold it against him… change me … so that I can love and forgive him the way you have forgiven and loved me.” (Sande pg 205 adapted) Imagine God saying to us what Pastor Williams said … “I forgive you … but I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” Would you feel forgiven? Let’s talk about what forgiveness really is: Or perhaps to put it in the proper light, let’s talk about what it isn’t. Forgiveness is NOT: a feeling … forgiveness is not just Forgetting about what happened … forgiveness is Not Excusing it. Forgiveness is not some sort of warm fuzzy … emotions are fickle and forgiveness is anything but that. Forgiveness is not “just forget about it.” That’s being passive … letting time cure all wounds. Forgiveness is an active action on our part, it’s a decision, and act of will. And that takes some effort Forgiveness is not just saying, “Oh, that’s Okay …” which implies that the person who hurt you messed up because they couldn’t help it, or what they did wasn’t really wrong.” Forgiveness is the direct opposite of all that. Forgiveness says, “We both know what you did was wrong and without excuse. But, since God has forgiven me, I forgive you.” Hard thing to say, sometimes, “I Forgive you” … and really mean it, isn’t it? The opposite of forgiveness is unforgiveness … Someone once said of taking that path … “Unforgiveness is the poison we drink … hoping others will die.” When someone sins against us, it’s like they have created a debt, they owe us something. When we refuse to forgive it’s like were waiting for them to pay us back … in fact we don’t wait, we begin to exact payment from them… we tear them down in front of others, we give them the cold shoulder, we actively inflict emotional pain on them, and we may even seek some form of revenge. When we forgive … WE are the ones who make the payments on that debt. … WE release that other person from the debt they deserve to pay. Is it any wonder then that Jesus used a monetary debt in the illustration of the unmerciful servant? … the one forgiven a huge debt by his master, and yet then he turned around and inflicted a jail sentence on one who owed him a pittance? When we forgive … we decide to make the debt go away … and we release the person who has wronged us from the penalty of being separated from us. Forgiveness is really about US making 4 promises to the person we are forgiving: Number 1 - I will not dwell on this incident … I’m not going to keep rubbing your nose in it. Number 2 - I will not bring this up again and use it against you. Number 3 - I will not talk to others about what happened. Number 4 - I will not let what happened stand between us or hinder our relationship. These four promises are on the Card we handed out a couple weeks ago. … and are available again today. Now … that’s what forgiveness is. Now …When do you do it? We talked about minor offenses. This is when we say “I forgive you” to that person privately to ourselves … and that’s the end of it. We keep the four promises without any discussion. However, sometimes we’re really hurt and we need to address that hurt by using Jesus’ instructions found in Matthew 18 … That procedure is all about bringing the person who hurt you to realize that he has … and to give him the opportunity to say “I’m Sorry.” An “I’m sorry” that names the hurt and may even include some details of what they might do so that it doesn’t happen again. All that’s called repentance. And when there is repentance … that’s the time that forgiveness should, or really, MUST, be spoken. As a pastor … I run into some people who have been drinking that poison of unforgiveness for most of their lives … The problem is the offender is already dead, or if not, that person is either physically or emotionally beyond seeking an “I’m sorry” from them … or the offender refuses to say “I’m sorry.” As long you bear a grudge against the offender, there is unforgiveness … and you will be emotionally bound to that person. And the only way to be free of the grudge … is to put what happened and that person who hurt you into the Lord’s hands. With God’s power, you CAN forgive them in your heart … and you can keep the 4 promises. You can be free, in spite of the fact that there is, or can be, no handshake of reconciliation. Now … that opens the door to the next question. What about consequences for that hurt? Forgiveness does not automatically release a wrongdoer from all the consequences of their sin. God works the same way. King David was guilty of adultery and murder, and God forgave him, but consequences for his sin remained. Moses likewise sinned in disobeying God. He too was forgiven, but he was not allowed to enter the Promised Land. In both those cases, David and Moses’ relationship with God was completely restored … however consequences remained in this world which taught them and others that sin is serious … and not to be taken lightly. Someone who steals, may have to pay it all back. Someone who damages your property may have to pay for all the repairs. Notice we said “may.” As the one who has been hurt … you “may” choose to absorb your loss instead, when it may be more important for the person who caused the problem… to see mercy instead of law. Remember again … our first G? … Glorify God. That’s what this is opportunity to do. And opportunity to serve God … by serving even one of the least of these … even one who may hate you. They won’t understand why you would be merciful, because if the tables were turned, they’d lock you away and throw away the key. There’s your opening to give God the Glory … because if it were simply up to you … you’d be inclined to do the same thing they would. Or as someone else said very well … “We are not called to forgive others in order to merit God’s love; rather, having experienced His love, we have the basis and motive to forgive others.” (Sande, pg. 217) One last thought. Our message this morning may have given the impression that forgiveness is a one-time event. It happens when we hear another’s “I’m sorry” and we make the conscious decision to say, and mean, “I forgive you.” But forgiveness is both an event and a process. After you’ve knocked down the wall that has grown up to divide you and the other person … you have to clear away the debris. How do you do that? It requires that you give the repentant person an opportunity to demonstrate their repentance (their change of heart) and allow them to regain your trust. Now they may well mess up again in the process. The answer to that again is confession and forgiveness. (I’m sorry, I forgive you.) In the long run it is worth it, because unless a deliberate attempt is made by both of you to restore and strengthen the relationship … it will, in most cases, deteriorate. Now that takes care of the offender. What about you, the one who has been hurt? Chances are when you see that person … you don’t see a friend … you see your old enemy. You begin to think about the things they did to hurt you. You speak to others about them as a Frien-emy. That’s a mind-set that’s impossible to break without God’s help. Prayer over that situation is the first step. The second is this … you make an active, concerted effort to not think about the bad … but instead, think about the good in that person. Praying for that person is a good way to do that. When those evil thoughts start to creep in … pray to God for that person. And then take it from just your thoughts and prayers … to your words and actions. Speak well of them to others. And finally do good things for that person. How do you think that person is going to feel seeing and hearing those things? Truly forgiven. We’ve spoken about a tall order today. But again, it’s God that enables us both to will and to do the right thing … the Jesus thing… the forgiving thing … as we continue each day to walk with Him. In Him. Amen. |